Not holding back. Colton Underwood said as much as he legally could about his up-and-down relationship with Cassie Randolph during his new Netflix series, Coming Out Colton.
Randolph, 26, and Underwood, 29, met during season 23 of The Bachelor. While they continued dating following the season in 2019, but announced their split in May 2020. Four months later, the model filed a restraining order against the reality star, claiming that he had placed a tracking device on her car.
“I think that was sort of a huge wake-up call. I’m sad that it even got to that point to where that had to be my wake-up call and me affecting other people in my life was sort of the moment that I realized I had to come out,” Underwood exclusively told Us Weekly ahead of the Wednesday, December 3, debut of the show. “Obviously, I wish I would have had the courage to come out without having to be pushed.”
In November 2020, the pair reached a private agreement, and the order was dropped. The Indianapolis native publicly came out as gay five months later during an interview on Good Morning America.
“Being gay is not OK for what happened at the end of the day,” Joseph Michael, one of Cassie and Colton’s mutual friends told him during an episode of the new series. “I’m going to tell you straight up, what you f—king put her through was bulls—t. You f—ked up and there was no excuse whatsoever for anything you did. You scared her and put her in a situation where it wasn’t comfortable for her.”
He wasn’t the only one who showed Colton tough love. During the show, the former football player sat down with Reverend Nicole Garcia to talk about what happened with Cassie, coming out and how to move forward.
“You want to sit down and apologize to make yourself feel better. That’s not the way to approach it,” she said, telling him that he can change by “looking the mirror and saying, ‘I was a piece of s—t. I wanted things my way so bad I was willing to do anything to make it happen.'”
The Reverend also told the Bachelor in Paradise alum that he needed to figure everything out about himself before he even considered dating again.
“I don’t think you have a freaking clue what it means to be in a healthy relationship because you have never been in a healthy relationship as you. You’ve always been in a relationship as somebody you’re supposed to be. Who are you?” she explained. “The best thing you can do is work on you and face up to what you’ve done — before you get into your next relationship, before you go in and f—k up somebody else’s life. Take responsibility for what you’ve done, and then work on not doing it again.”
Scroll down for a breakdown of what the First Time author said about Cassie on Coming Out Colton:
During the first episode, Colton explained that he thought meeting the right woman would "change" him. "That was Cassie. Everyone saw that first rose ceremony as just another rose ceremony. For me, it was so much more than that. I felt myself becoming more of a straight man," he said. "Everyone saw [the] hometown date on the beach and the connection that we had but I felt like I found somebody who could change me. The night that Cassie was leaving me on The Bachelor, there was a big part of me that was thinking, ‘If I can’t get there with you then I definitely can’t with any other woman.’" ABC/Rick Rowel
"After The Bachelor, our relationship was up and down and eventually, we broke up and I started to spiral. I was f—kd up. I was suppressing my sexuality so hard that I was taking medication daily to deal with depression and anxiety and that made me a paranoid freak," the Illinois State grad continued, while the court documents Cassie filed were shown on screen. "I didn’t trust a whole lot of people and I was trying to do anything and everything I could to protect a secret. I lost my mind. I did some things, I said some things that I’m not proud of. That's not me making excuses for what I did because I did f—k up. I made mistakes and I will take ownership in that.” Danny Moloshok/Invision/AP/Shutterstock
During the second episode, Colton came out to his father, who asked when it was that he decided to confront the fact that he is gay. “Sounds terrible but, like, the day I got the restraining order on me is when I knew that something had to change," the athlete shared. "I was so attached to a traditional life and my straight relationship that I knew she was my last straight relationship and I didn’t want to let that go because I didn’t want to have to deal with this.” Netflix
Colton noted that he was scared people would think he was coming out to "bury the drama that I had with Cassie," which he said was "the furthest thing from the truth." He explained, "If anything, the reason I’m coming out is because I’m ashamed and I’m sort of mortified of what got me to this position in the first place. I knew that I couldn’t hide it anymore because I didn’t want to affect or harm anybody else in my life." When his dad brought up the restraining order, asking why he’d “go to those extremes" if he knew he was gay, Colton replied, "I knew that if I let her go, I would have to deal with me and I didn’t want to and I wasn’t ready for it." Netflix
Due to the legal restrictions, Colton couldn't explain much about what happened with Cassie, but he did admit that he would have married her if she would have wanted to. “I wish things wouldn’t have ended like they did so I could have given her a heads up and ... actually converse about it," he said during episode 5 ahead of his Good Morning America interview. In the finale, he added, "There’s only so much that I can do in regards to the Cassie of it all. Legally, I can’t talk about it and the only person that I have to blame is myself." Lorenzo Bevilaqua/ABC via Getty Images
During a meeting with Reverend Nicole Garcia in episode 6, Colton explained the situation with Cassie again. “I held onto that relationship out of fear of being a gay man and not out of anything other than that and I did things that were messed up. I was paranoid. I was scared. I was terrified of myself, I was terrified of who I was going to become. I was literally, I can say, mentally unstable," the former NFL player said. "I undid so many good memories. I texted the things that I texted and said the things that I said out of insecurities. That was me controlling the narrative and trying to say in control of my life. ... After coming out, I have to relive all those labels of abuser, stalker, harasser. I'm mortified of what I did but I'm even more mortified by the effect that it had on her and her family and her friends.” Netflix
He shared that after he came out publicly, it was extremely difficult to see himself labeled as an "abuser" and a "stalker," admitting he caught himself "leaning into an excuse." Colton added, "I catch myself trying to control it again. It's like a vicious cycle that I’m going through right now of trying to give up control, but yet there’s a part of me that won’t let it go because it's like, you can’t afford to screw up again. ... I put the poor girl through hell and insecurities and all I can do is say sorry." Netflix
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